Jason

jasonarnott @ 2004-10-19T01:49:00

2004-10-19T08:49:56Z

Who's Doing What During the Lockout?

Player: Jason Arnott
Pos: F
Current Status: Not known

I resent that.

I'm doing nothing. And damn proud of it.

Other guys are running around staying in shape. Finding jobs in Sweden and Finland and other Lands and Ens.

I'm "changing" diapers. Taking cat naps. Nobody can understand how difficult it is to have to try to sleep while your wife keeps getting in and out of bed to take care of the baby. Good thing I'm unemployed. I can sleep on the couch all day and catch up on sleep.

Because my life has been so difficult, I haven't gotten around to updating this thing. I'm sure everyone broke up and made up while I was gone. Got engaged, broke up days before the wedding, adopted nine children from China, killed some cats, finally got that sex change, considered signing with Oklahoma. The usual stuff.

I noticed something funny though when I got back. Namely, jason_arnott. Who the FUCK is that?

So I emailed the imposter.

To: jasonarnott44@hotmail.com
From: jasonarnott2544@hotmail.com
Re: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?

Hey,

WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?

-Jason Arnott

Fucktard replies back:

To: jasonarnott2544@hotmail.com
From: jasonarnott44@hotmail.com
Re: re: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?

HI! I'M JASON ARNOTT!!!!

Love,
Jason Arnott

So I'm thinking... Wait, no... *I'm* Jason Arnott. So I emailed him back.

To: jasonarnott44@hotmail.com
From: jasonarnott2544@hotmail.com
Re: re: re:WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?

No, you're not. I am.

-Jason Arnott (THE REAL ONE)

I was pretty sure that would clear things up. After all, I AM Jason Arnott (THE REAL ONE) and I am strong and a center for the Dallas Stars. That intimidates people. And I drive really expensive cars. So I figured that I'd point out this guy's mistake (because he might have been retarded and just thought he was me and not have been purposely trying to STEAL MY IDENTITY--like what happened to JR a couple of years ago--so I wouldn't want to be mean to a retarded kid) and then he'd apologize and go away.

Only, he emails me back:

To: jasonarnott2544@hotmail.com
From: jasonarnott44@hotmail.com
Re: re:re:re:WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?

Dear Jason Arnott (THE REAL ONE),

IF that even IS your real name!!! (After all, MY name is Jason Arnott. And I am pretty certain that I am Jason Arnott. Seeing as how I am very good looking and the center for the Dallas Stars and I score goals and look good doing it. I have a Viper. It's red and goes really fast. It cost me a lot of money, but it was worth it because the guy at the dealership through in the customized license plate (ARNOTT) for free.)

Please stop emailing me. *I* am Jason Arnott. Not you.

<3333333333 Jason Arnott

And then I thought.. hey, *maybe* this guy really is Jason Arnott. After all, he's good looking. He's the center for the Dallas Stars. He scores goals. He looks good doing it. He owns an expensive car. With a cool license plate.

But then I put down the booze, and the next morning emailed the asshole:

To: jasonarnott44@hotmail.com
From: jasonarnott2544@hotmail.com
Re: ARE-NOTT

Fine. Prove it, mother fucker.

Answer the following questions:

1) What year were you born?
2) What is your favorite color?
3) What is your brother's name?
4) Are you married?
5) What was the last thing you ate?

- THE REAL JASON ARNOTT

He replies with:

To: jasonarnott2544@hotmail.com
From: jasonarnott44@hotmail.com
Re: re:ARE-NOTT

1) The fuck? I'm not a mathematician.
2) Define "color."
3) Wade. LIKE THAT CHOREOGRAPHER FOR N'SYNC!!! OMG!!!
4) Of course. But our marriage is not recognized under state law and our evil teammates are trying to keep us apart. They want to destroy our love.
5) Pie.

<444 Jason Arnott

Fucking thwarted.

It was like the fucktard was IN MY MIND. As if he could read my thoughts.

Well, if I was a retarded monkey who liked N'Sync and was for some reason married to a teammate and not Dina. For a moment I nearly thought this was a pratical joke all set up by Mike. After all--Curious George was a monkey. Mike used to hang out with Lance Bass. He and Hull were practically married...

But this just wasn't Mike's style.

Orwellian and fucking scary, this imposter managed to fool all my friends and teammates into thinking that HE was ME. I don't know how he did it. It must have been the memes. You type in a username and the table legitimizes your identity. And apparently you can just go to hotmail.com and type in jasonarnott44 as a username without even having to prove that you're Jason Arnott. Think of all the livejournals and emails out there that don't actually belong to REAL hockey players. There may be hundreds of these FAKE journals floating around on the internet.

I started freaking out. This guy could take over my life. Like Body Snatchers only worse because my body is fucking hot and I don't want to lose it. He could enter my home and fuck my wife, and she'd think it was me and maybe he'd be a great fuck just like me and she'd never know the difference and what if my kid started calling HIM "Daddy". He could jump on the ice during a game and wear my jersey and nobody would be the wiser. Or maybe this would end like a Lifetime movie (it's been a long, hard summer spent on the couch) and he'd kidnap me and then kill me and drink my blood so that he could *become* me and then have a sex change and become a woman who is beaten and abused by her husband who was once molested by his uncle which is why he is so mean to her and then she fights back and shoots him and then her child runs away to become a prostitute in Washington DC.

I nearly had a panic attack until the genius in me told me to read his user info:

[But not really. This is all so fake. I am not Jason Arnott. This is a game. See the website above for more information if you don't get that this is FAKE]

MOTHER FUCKER. Had the gall to say straight to my face...er, email, that he was Jason Arnott and then in his own journal refute that very fact?

So I emailed him last night:

To: jasonarnott44@hotmail.com
From: jasonarnott2544@hotmail.com
Re: Check your user info, idiot aka FAKE JASON ARNOTT

"This is all so fake. I am not Jason Arnott. This is a game."

HA! What do you say to that? And this is *not* a game. THIS IS MY LIFE! STOP FUCKING WITH IT. AND STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE.

-You Know Who (WHO IS THE REAL ONE, NOT FAKE LIKE YOU)

And I figured that was the end of that. Until three hours ago when I opened my email box:

To: jasonarnott2544@hotmail.com
From: jasonarnott44@hotmail.com
Re: re:Check your user info, idiot aka FAKE JASON ARNOTT

I wrote that in my profile so that extremely good looking women with big tits would not email me or reply in massive numbers to my lj entries propositioning me. I'm a married man now. I have principles.

-Jason "Real" Arnott

Fuck. Clearly this guy is just as smart as I am. We could have a battle of the wits in these emails and because we both think we're Jason Arnott neither of us would ever win. Genius vesus genius. He cannot be outsmarted.

But he can be voted off.

If you support this other "Jason Arnott" please raise your hand and go fuck yourself.
If you support me, the REAL Jason Arnott, reply here.

I will count all the votes, unless you are not a citizen of this country, have voted provisionally, have a pregnant or hanging chad, vote against me, or live in Florida. This is a democracy. So every vote counts. Except the ones that don't.

At the end of the week, when I have the most votes, we will go hunt down this imposter and kill him.

After all, without hockey, we might as well do some killing. I have extra guns and bows for those of you who do not own any weapons.

OOC: Some punk stole my livejournal just because I was writing my journal entries in invisible ink. Apparently this is against the bylaws. My mistake. Since the Lesser Jason Arnott has been writing his journal entries in invisible ink, I am reclaiming Jason and updating him every 4 weeks and 6 days.

jasonarnott @ 2004-02-01T17:27:00

2004-02-02T01:35:42Z

I have to go shower now.

Vigorously..

Last night was a little sloppy, and Turks was tired, but we pulled out a win. One more until the break. Not too sure about this break. It'll be good to have a break, but I'm not sure our team even wants to take a break (even Turks wants to keep playing) and this All Star weekend won't be like weekends past.

I've been trolling message boards and I came across an ingenius theory:

CaptainMike: Is it just a coincidence that the Stars started playing great roughly the same time that Modano shaved off his beard? By shaving, maybe Modano has indicated that it's time to get serious, and maybe the other guys on the team have gotten the message.

MAN! If I had known that I would have bought him a lady bic sooner.

And all along here I thought it was because he was finally getting laid. Stupid me.

jasonarnott @ 2004-01-25T00:35:00

2004-01-25T08:45:11Z

Then suck my dick.

I had a great game tonight.

Scored a goal tonight too.

How do you like them apples?

Some kid wrote about being invisible today so I tried to reply and tell him that he was a big fat loser, but he blocked me. So someone else, please, tell this kid that if he just pushes his belly button he'll turn visible again. Or so I've heard.

jasonarnott @ 2004-01-22T22:36:00

2004-01-23T06:36:30Z

Gay or Not Gay? by tashay17
LJ Name
Favorite Color
Gay or Not Gay?	In denial. So come out already!

Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

jasonarnott @ 2004-01-22T21:19:00

2004-01-23T05:20:25Z

Your Love Situation by Amberishjewel
Username?
Your Love Is...	Fiery
During Lovemaking You Act...	Like a cat, longing to be pet
Your Partner Is...	Your master
Your Partner Has Said That You...	Are their only love
Your Love is Summed Up In A Quote.	"Love is bittersweet"

Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

That's a shit quiz.

jasonarnott @ 2003-12-31T01:37:00

2003-12-31T10:03:46Z

Before the game, and before the party, I figure I'd look back on 2003 since the only reflection I hope to see later tonight is that of my drink or the mirrors on my ceiling.

My resolutions last year were to stay away from Mo's house. I did, but I don't think it mattered very much. My year wasn't particularly shitty or particularly spectacular because I avoided the joint.

2003...

I punched some people.

I pissed some people off.

I took some chances, I made some mistakes, made some more mistakes, and then accepted them.

I found a moose and got married. I changed my ways and lost a few pounds I met the new kids and made them feel welcome.

The season had its ups and downs, just like my life off ice, but it was what it was, and 2003 is nearly over. My resolutions seemed to have come mid-year, and though I may not be a better man---wait. Fuck yes, I'm a better man. I'm better in bed and I lost a few pounds so my endurance is better than ever, and my body is even more impressive. Two things very hard to improve upon because they were already fantastic, but because I am Jason Arnott, I took myself to the next level. In Hindu, I am pretty sure I am called the "supernova." There is probably nothing left for me to achieve.

Wait. No. I could improve my golf handicap.

jasonarnott @ 2003-10-09T14:06:00

2003-10-09T21:07:25Z

You Have Porn Star Balls
Though their overly dramatic nature would be great
on camera, they are far too powerful for any
normal person to handle. Your balls are liable
to erupt with a force comparable to that of a
volcano. Be gentle you could cause some serious
damage.

What kind of BALLS do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla

Heh.

jasonarnott @ 2003-09-29T23:11:00

2003-09-30T06:13:29Z

Once upon a time there was a little pansy who cried whenever I posted in his journal.

He tripped over the blue line, slid into the goal post, got a concussion, and then his coach yelled at him and spit gum in his hair.

The End.

Moral of the story? Don't be a pansy or you'll get gum in your hair.

jasonarnott @ 2003-09-14T00:07:00

2003-09-14T07:07:52Z

Yeah, you wish you were cool enough to have an award named after you.

*cue country music and lights* (My awards. My choice in music.)

No bullshit speeches. No bullshit intros. No bullshit dance numbers.

Let's get to the awards:

I'd start out with those nearest and dearest to me, but the two blondes are naked so I figure we should let the girls just sit back while I hand out the awards for some of my past/current teammates, friends, and their pets.

What can I say? The boy has great skills, and good hair.

Marty likes to screw. A lot. ... I can understand that.

Ugly rat. I hate him.

No words.

He's a millionaire. That's sort of cool. I don't know if I would ever hang out with him though.

He's a Red Wing now, but he still talks in the second person. Too many hits to the head. That's how I explain it. Everyone knows you use the third person.

The rest are sorted by... team, and general irritance/loserness.

Colorado Avalanche:

The Habs:

Even homeless guys can get head.

By pretty, I mean pretty stupid.

The Canucks:

&

&

Yeah, they come in pairs now that the government allows gay couples to marry.

Toronto Maple Leafs:

Lock this guy up in a closet. With padded walls.

Killer? Or pervert?

If I was Andy Ference, I'd cry for my mommy and put on makeup. Mats is scary.

Edmonton Oilers:

You're such an asshole. Keep it up.

*snerk* He is just so short.

San Jose Sharks:

Yeah, I'm surprised I didn't pick on my hobo friend too.

Red Wings:

Yeah. I said it.

It's unfortunate Antti couldn't fit more onto this award.

This award was created on the tenth. Too bad I couldn't have given it to him sooner.

Retard, I hope you can read. See. *These* are awards. They're fucking incredible. Don't even try to follow up my awards with your pussy awards.

NY Islanders:

It's sex. Not a fucking magic trick.

Anaheim Mighty Ducks:

I'm torn. Sometimes I wish I would die. Sometimes I wish he would.

Pizza. Fucker.

I can't wait until Bush blows your mother country up.

Atlanta:

Sure, he can play. But why would you want to watch him?

Calgary:

'The Simpsons' is a great show-- ha ha!

Other:

You inspire me. To make awards to mock you.

Please. Someone tell them that nobody cares.

----------------

And that concludes the ARNOTTs. I hope you all realize what a kick ass motherfucker I am. Praise me.

I'd like to thank all of the people who helped me create these awards. From Antii and Mathias (my European slaves/rookies) for remaking the awards, to my panel of experts who nominated, voted and ultimately decided upon which awards to give out, and to all you dumb fucks who received awards tonight.

Goodnight and enjoy your awards.

Did you wet yourselves?

2003-09-12T23:59:21Z

Eric didn't.

No award show for him.

And no award show for the rest of you. Blame Eric. Eric is used to people yelling and berating him over things he has no control over:

Eric, you no good son of a bitch! Where are all the fish?
God dammit, Eric, it's raining. Good job, Eric.
Way to go with the concussion, dumbass.
Eric! You peed all over the new rug--

No, that's my dog. Who ate all the awards. Originally, I put Oliver in charge of scanning them all into the computer so that I could post the ARNOTTs leisurely from Vail, but my dog ate them all. Now I have Mathias and Antti furiously creating new ones with crayons, cardboard, and scissors. It's slow going, however, because they're Swedish, Finnish, and stupid. Also, for some strange reason when I yell at them in English, they don't understand and just start crying.

Oh well. Welcome to the NHL, boys.

jasonarnott @ 2003-09-10T14:19:00

2003-09-10T21:57:07Z

Award shows are good because generally they last 2 to 3 to 4.567 hours, so you can have a mighty good nap. If you happen to miss them, however, you just get your wife to talk to you about her day, and you're usually good. It's amazing how I've already learned how to sleep with my eyes open. I've only been a husband for a few months, and already I've perfected it. What can I say--I'm a fast learner.

I bring up this topic because I have a reason (I'm not like those stupid fucks who post because their brother was mean to them, their friend spilled juice on their crocheted doily couch, or their boyfriend was really really sweet to them): The Rings.

Stupid little awards given out for "best twirler," "nicest friend"..... what kind of bullshit awards are those? What a gyp.

And earlier this year--the NHL awards? Watching a bunch of half-legends struggle to read the teleprompter (perhaps because they're old farts, and perhaps because they never learned to read) was not what I call a quality award show. However, the awards on this show have actual meaning, and are voted on by members of the hockey community or the media.

And that's where the OV Rings went all wrong. Nominations and voting were left up to the public. The public.

The same public that watches sluts marry a millionaire, sluts trying to marry a fake-millionaire, elect a fucking idiot to be president---

I realize so far that I've only mentioned the American public, but I think that they're the only ones that really matter. Countries like Sweden, Spain, and Russia shouldn't exist. They're tiny and weak and don't speak English. I'm certain we can convince Bush to bomb them so I don't have to deal with their stupid accents anymore.

Which is why I created the ARNOTT awards aka the fucking kick ass awards. These ain't your momma's awards.

The ARNOTT awards were voted/deliberated upon by an expert panel. The panel included the creator himself, some OV members, some MBH members, my dog, a few random people I tortured by making them read some of your guys' entries, and Wayne Gretzky.

That's right folks--you read your screen correctly. The Great One himself was involved in these awards. The Great One, meaning my dog. Yeah, he's pretty great.

There won't be any pussy award shows or chats where you have to IM me to get in (as if I'd actually want any of you fuckers bothering me). Instead the winners will be revealed on Friday in a grand flourish in this very journal.

So please, wet yourself in anticipation, folks, and prepare yourselves for the greatest awards ever.

jasonarnott @ 2003-08-23T02:02:00

2003-08-23T09:23:54Z

Hey all you stupid fucks! Nice to see none of you have changed while I have been away. I have commented on a few journals while I've been away, but if I haven't commented on yours, assume that either I hate you and didn't feel like making your cry, you aren't worth commenting on, you're so stupid it wouldn't matter if I commented or not, or I actually have a life... er.. sex life...er... life, and haven't had a chance to comment.

7/18: The day before the wedding

7/20: The morning after

7/23: Day Tres of the Honeymoon

7/26: Sex, clues, Jurassic Park

7/27: Walking, elephants, psycho bitches

7/31: Dead people, old people, mistaken identity

8/2: Drunkeness

8/4: Elephant rides at the circus

8/5: Learn something new

8/7: Shopping and wedding presents

8/12: Thank you notes

8/15: Coke, Last Comic Standing, MacT

8/17: Fight fire with fire.

8/19: Games you can play with flower petals

Over all though, marriage suits me. However, if I had to do it all over again, I'd skip the ceremony, the stupid presents, and keep the open bar and the sex. Booze and sex. Those are after all the most important things in life, eh? Okay, so I like hockey too. Hmmm.. Sex, hockey, alcohol? Sex, alcohol, hockey? It is so hard to prioritize. Shit. You have to throw golf in there too. Hmmm. I think I'll ponder that this weekend in between gorging myself with chicken pot pie.

Oh. Heads up: 'Pretty Little Things'? Not about hot chicks with accents. Boy, did I get that synopsis wrong.

Matty. Heard your house burned down. Cool. Remember Scotty? He's homeless too. Give him one of your jerseys and I bet he'll teach you the street smarts so that you can survive behind the grocery store of your choice.

jasonarnott @ 2003-07-12T21:36:00

2003-07-13T04:22:43Z

Jason Arnott is so glad that he is so incredibly awesome that no one could ever try to impersonate him.

Leetch... Keith... JR. What fucking losers.

jasonarnott @ 2003-07-12T04:07:00

2003-07-12T11:00:07Z

I've been without drama for five days. Mainly because I've avoided Dina and her parade of elephants... oh, I mean squawking birds--oh wait, I meant entourage of unmarried bitches, neurotic mother, catty friends, and people who like to spend my money.

I've also shot a lot of animals.

And I'm pretty bored. Still waiting for my moose.

So until I find my moose, I've decided I'm going to pretend that I've scored 100 career playoff goals--that's right. From now until I shoot my first moose, I'll be talking in the third person.

Jason Arnott is going to go to sleep now.

jasonarnott @ 2003-07-12T03:56:00

2003-07-12T10:51:51Z

I have been reading a lot of bitching and complaing on these ljs, and folks, I find that quite ridiculous.

My favorite rant by far has been "I AM SICK AND TIRED OF IM-ING PEOPLE RANDOM SHIT! I WANT MY FRIENDS TO IM ME RANDOM STUPID SHIT!"

First of all, you are not that important. Obviously, nobody wants to talk to you. Take a hint.

Secondly, why are you iming your friends stupid things? I value my time. And I value my friends. So when I talk online with my friends, I talk about deep, personal, important things. Like how to make cheese, ways to reunite Patty, Petr, and me, why I like to shoot animals with my bow, how I'm so much more attractive than so many people on this Earth, and so on. You get the picture.

I am a deep, intelligent (and gorgeous) man who talks about deep, intelligent topics with my friends. We delve into issues that are extremely important to us.

Hmm...perhaps I do not understand these rants because I am so much more intelligent than anyone else (I was described as a genius on that one quiz). Or perhaps it's because I am just so damn incredible that I never have to worry about im-ing other people. They always im me. But perhaps this is because I am an amazing, gorgeous, intelligent man with mad hockey skills and the people who are making these rants are not.

*thinks*

Yeah, that's probably it.

Hallelujah

2003-07-07T04:06:55Z

No, wait--

Halle-fucking-lujah.

God, today was great. The squawking birds all went to check out churches. Not because we don't already have a place, but because they want to check out every other place in the world to make sure that ours is better.

Women. *shrugs*

So while they were travelling all over, I went to church to have all my sins atoned. Sang some songs, drank some wine, ate some crackers, read the bible, communed with God.. the usual. You know me and Sundays.

Okay, just kidding. I went out to shoot some things.

Not that I'm not down with God or anything (G-O-D, yeah you know me..), but c'mon.. Sunday is the day of killing! Monday is like..uh..washing day? And Tuesday is uh..drinking day? Wednesday is uh..you know, that day after Tuesday.. And Sunday is killing day.

Didn't get anything good though. No moose yet.

Shit. Good thing tomorrow is washing day. I'm all out of clean underwear. All I have to do now is convince Dina that "washing day" means "Dina washes Jason's clothes day."

Happy Canada Day

2003-07-02T09:56:57Z

Er.. post. Late Canada Day.. *shrug* Always manage to be too late or step behind.

Just reading my friends' page and thinking about awful dinners and dinner-rescues of cereal and ez-mac.

Okay, enough of that sentimental bullshit and onto other sentimental bullshit. This is one to go under the "what the hell were you thinking?" list. So really, the planning has been going on for several months, well, several years (according to my mother who says that all women plan their weddings from age six on), but I've only been involved in it for a little while. And it's already driving me insane. So after another get together involving Dina, Dina's mom, Dina's bridesmaids, Dina's friends, Dina's aunt, Dina's cousins, my mother, and, well, all women in the western hemisphere, where they all squawk back and forth for several hours, deciding nothing, other than the fact that they *need* more money for the wedding, and all I really do is fork over more dough, and have no say at all in the planning (yes, I've accepted that this is *her* day, not ours), I decided that I might as well not even show up anymore. They can plan it all, and I'll just foot the bill for her father.

Big mistake. Because despite my non-presence presence during all these meetings everybody took offense to this idea. So every woman in the western hemisphere was pissed off at me. After receiving numerous lectures (from my mother especially), they all decided suddenly that this was a fabulous idea (actually, Dina pointed this out and then they all jumped on the bandwagon) and then ran off with my checkbook. Again.

I'm used to it by now. Used to that rather light feeling in my backpocket that means my wallet is missing.

Haven't been up to much. Just trying to stay cool and hook up with a few buddies on the weekend and go hunting. Texas doesn't have much game so I can't wait to head up to the great white north.

jasonarnott @ 2003-06-18T19:23:00

2003-06-19T02:12:35Z

jasonarnott
Magic Number	6
Job	Conservationist
Personality	Unfulfilled Dreamer
Temperament	Steely
Sexual	Whatever, Whenever, Whoever
Likely To Win	A Duel With Pistols
Me - In A Word	Genius
Colour
Brought to you by MemeJack

Return of the squawking bird. Someone explain to me whyyyyyyyyy we *need* to have BUTTERFLY SALT AND PEPPER SHAKERS?!

Squawk squawk squawk squawk! I'm tempted to give her my checkbook just to shut her up. But 1) I don't want to lose all my money and 2) wouldn't matter anyway because now we have to do the "we" thing and "we" have to go shopping and "we" have to make decisions together.

Obviously "we" decided we MUST have butterfly salt and pepper shakers.

jasonarnott @ 2003-06-04T14:46:00

2003-06-04T21:46:57Z

ohhh. head hurts.

will survey damage later.

Things to ponder

2003-06-04T07:30:33Z

CERTAIN persons have made accusations tonight so I think it's important that we attack them true L&O style. Point and counterpoint.

You know what, Jason? You did not want me. Do you have any idea how that made me feel? Any idea at all? Do you know how fucking long I have been in love with you? Do you know what it was like to watch you go through one person after another, wanting to be the one to kiss you?

No, YOU obviously did not want ME. Which was painfully obvious when I didn't answer my phone during the playoffs, and you took that to mean that I was off with somebody else. Two words: FUCKING HYPOCRITE! You turn off your phone too. Your family knows not to call you. I learned not to answer my phone FROM YOU!

And do YOU know how fucking hard it is to see someone give up on you that easily? That you can say all the things..you can tell someone you love them....and that it means NOTHING! That they'll distrust you just like that. They'll immediately think you're doing something wrong. THAT fucking hurts. Big fucking deal. Boo hoo. It was SO hard for you to see me with other people. That's your fucking problem. You could have said something. You could have done something. But you didn't. Not my fucking problem.

Do you know how fucking happy I was that you finally seemed to want me too? I actually let myself believe that you felt something real for me. And I kept telling JS and Paul to shut the fuck up whenever they told me you were not serious about me. That I was just someone for you to fuck on the side. I was so blind. And I felt sorry for Stas. Because he could not see what Paul was doing. And I was in the same fucking position.

Well, I actually let myself believe that you felt something real for me. Something REAL. Not something flimsy and stupid and something that'll break the moment someone blows on it.

So yes, I had my doubts about you. I could tell you were hiding things from me. But I thought you would tell me when you were ready, but you never were. You said you put yourself on the line. You never fucking took the step.

What the fuck are you babbling about? What the fuck was I hiding from you? I was always perfectly honest with you. I NEVER lied to you. If you asked me something, I told you up front.

And why the fuck should I put myself on the line?! WHY?! So that two minutes later you can freak out when I don't answer the phone? So that you can leave me 22 voice mails wondering if I'm out cheating on you?

And maybe I would have. Sorry if I don't move at lightning speed. Sorry if it's hard for me to let got of a relationship that's seven years going. Sorry if I'm a little anxious about starting over and letting go.

And when I found out you went back to Dina - do you know how much that fucking hurt? You fucking chose her over me. Fuck, Jason, I thought ... I thought when you told me you loved me, you really meant it. It hurt so bad I went and got drunk with JS because I wanted him to fuck me and make me forget all about you so it would not hurt anymore. But he did not because he knew I would just have felt worse later.

I WENT BACK TO HER WHEN YOU DECIDED WE WERE OVER! Just like you..it fucking hurt. I was lost and lonely and it wouldn't stop hurting inside. And I just wanted something simple and easy. And SHE could give that to me. SHE could forgive me for things I ACTUALLY did. I didn't have to apologize for things I didn't do.

And you would go back to him. And *that* makes you a whore, just like Stas says. Whores are just people who sleep around. Because you can whore out your emotions. You can whore out someone else's emotions too.

And, God, YOU thought it was hard? I have to hear from that overstuffed goalie all the time! I have to hear all about the things you did together.

Because the worst part is I still loved you. And I wanted to make things easy for you, so you would not feel guilty about your decision. So I told myself it was okay, that I was okay, so that I could show you that everything was fine. That it did not matter that it was killing me as long as it was simple for you to get on with your fucking life and not have to worry about me. And maybe if I said it all enough I could start believing it too.

OH WOW! I pity you so much. You made things so god damn fucking easy.

"Oh, Jason, I am so happy you and Dina are together again. I never care about you ever. So is no big deal and I go back to pizza and have lots of fun."

FUCK you! And I never used lovED ever. NEVER. That's you, again.

But it did not fucking work. It still hurts when I wake up in the morning. It still hurts when I go to sleep at night. That is how much you fucking mean to me, you asshole. That is me fucking carrying on with my life like nothing ever fucking happened.

Yes, yes, the martyr. Carry a candle in one hand and a chinchilla in the other. And I hope he fucking pees on you.

And you know what else? I am not going to get drunk. I am not going to go get fucked silly by my teammates. I am not going to go do any of that stupid shit anymore. Not because of worrying about you.

Ohhhhhhhhhhh. So does that mean you held off from all that JUST because we were together? Well now that we aren't feel free to do whatever the fuck you want.

So fuck you. I do not fucking care anymore. You can say whatever the fuck you want about me. You can think whatever the fuck you want. I do not want to argue with you anymore. I do not want to fucking cry over you anymore. I do not want to fucking think about you anymore.

Boo fucking hoo.

I do not want to love you anymore.

And I'd NEVER say that ever. Because even when I'm angry and even when you hurt me, I'd never fucking regret anything. I'd never not want to love you.

...

And the jury's back from deliberation. And what do they have to say?

FUCK YOU PETR SYKORA.

jasonarnott @ 2003-06-02T15:18:00

2003-06-02T22:37:03Z

I think the first words out of his mouth were, "I hope it's not too late."

I'm pretty sure he was talking about the time, but...

We didn't talk long. I couldn't without getting into a fight with Dina. And we really didn't talk at all. I don't think there was anything either of us could have said at that point. And it was easier just to stay quiet and listen to each other breathe.

We hung up without answering the question that was hanging in the air. Was it too late? I don't know. I think that... I think...

I think it's fairly simple. I never wanted him to leave, but I never wanted to leave Dina. I wanted what everybody wants. I wanted everything. Not a very feasible desire.

And I'm such a fucking liar. I never left Dina. She threw me out when she learned the truth. Maybe it hurt her because she trusted him. They talked on the phone, we went on vacations together, they exchanged presents... And in a moment of weakness, I told her it was over, I told her that I wanted her back, that I loved her and only her and whatever was before was something stupid and irrational. So I sold my apartment. Actually, sublet since I can't break my lease, and we moved back together. She took me back so easily. Just like everything with her. Easy. Comfortable. Nice.

Comfortable's a good way to spend the rest of your life, right?

And I fell back into the swing of things so easily, and then the following day the gut check comes. And then it's like... I mean, fuck. Like the wind is knocked out of you and you can't breathe, and you're gasping for air and the more you gasp, the harder it is to breathe, but you can't help but grasp at straws, and you feel yourself passing out, and there's not a god damn thing you can do about it. Because you can't go back now. If you did, it would be over. Forever. I very much doubt she'd take me back if I broke things off again. I couldn't play it off to cold feet or nerves. It wouldn't be one last fling. It would be real.

And I can't leave her. I don't want to.

So I suppose this makes me a selfish bastard, huh?

I don't know anymore.

jasonarnott @ 2003-05-31T23:34:00

2003-06-01T06:43:29Z

I fucking hate you, Petr Sykora.

I hate your stupid fucking hair.

I hate your stupid fucking chinchilla.

I hate your stupid fucking dog.

I hate your stupid fucking team.

I hate the way you score stupid fucking goals in overtime.

I hate your stupid fucking grin.

I hate the way you lick your lips.

Or run your hands through your hair because you're nervous.

I hate the way you speak so quickly when you're excited.

I hate how you have these... like different smiles for different people and different things and I can always tell the difference.

I hate that you say things like that that just make me feel like... like shit.

I hate that when you think those things you aren't saying them to be spiteful or hurtful, but just honestly thinking.

I hate that I don't hate you at all.

jasonarnott @ 2003-05-22T14:16:00

2003-05-22T21:31:50Z

Well, fuck.

It seems like I always get myself into these situations. I even said I hoped I wouldn't regret what I was about to do and what happens? My words come back to bite me in the ass. It just... it just seemed like the right thing to do because, I mean, we had a good thing going, right? We worked well together. We knew each other so well. We'd been together for so long. Not as a couple, per se, but I mean... we were together, and been through so much together.

I mean, I know what to make for breakfast! And I know not to leave my socks on the left side of the room, and I know when I get home from practice that there'll be drink out for me, or that the paper will already be separated in the morning for me or... things are just easier, you know? And I wanted that back.

So I got it back.

And wouldn't you know it 24 hours later and...yeah.

I need to go shoot something.

jasonarnott @ 2003-05-21T16:56:00

2003-05-21T23:59:23Z

This thing is full of lies.

From the Ancient Egyptian root meaning "Ugly Brute"

Characteristics
Jason wants to be Barbara Streisand.

Personality
Jason can't seem to stop pissing people off.

Natural
Jason has a few genetic abnormalities.

Emotional
Jason refuses to show emotion.

Character
Jason whines to get attention.

Physical
Jason spreads lice.

Mental
Jason has delusions of grandeur

Motivation
Jason gets aroused by their reflection.

I hope I don't regret what I'm about to do.

jasonarnott @ 2003-05-16T15:17:00

2003-05-16T22:32:52Z

Those Texas democrats sure had the right idea. Sounds like a great idea to me.

I'm bored as fuck. I think I'll get drunk.

For all you golf aficionados, you may know what a birdie and an eagle are, but do you know what kind of fowl a par is?

According to an ornithology expert (myself), the par is a distant relative of the penguin. It resides only in the coldest regions of Greenland, and is a remarkably average bird. It is white and black, instead of black and white, eats snow for all its nutrients and only flies when endangered.